so...my blogging is way inconsistent...

Deep down I want to be super intellectual and make mental notes of my day-to-day life to later come and type them away. Of course, with fancy words and never missing a beat. Well--that just isn't me. I have decided to "give up" on my dream to blog consistently and to do it "well". I am no skilled writer or super deep thinker and my grammar is, at times, horrendous. I'll just blog when I feel like it and not put unnecessary pressure upon myself..okay. Phew, glad I got that out of the way...This will hopefully be a fresh start.

It is crazy to me how much has happened in this past semester. This school year has been the most challenging for one for me since starting college. Spiritually, physically, emotionally, and mentally it has been difficult. I don't know why, just one of those years I suppose. I'm "home" now, but just for ten more days. I'll be off for my third summer with Student Life. I am awaiting my arrival into Birmingham to meet my family for the summer. I know I'm about to start a summer with some incredible people who will become some of my closest friends and I can't wait. I'm sad to be leaving my family again for such a long time, but I know the Lord has something big in store for this summer and I am eager for that.

Well, this girl has a lot to do. Maybe I'll blog soon, maybe not? Time shall tell...and by the looks of it...it may be a long time hahah.

it doesn't have to be thanksgiving for me to be thankful!

wednesday. oh, wednesday. the week is halfway done and i haven't accomplished much on my academic to-do list. my social list, almost completely empty now :). success. this morning was an early morning. haven't seen 6 a.m. since the summer time! i was able to go, with a few other BCM-ers, and give out hot cocoa and donuts to Columbia College (a local all girls college)...and boy, it was great. it hasn't been very cold around here, but this morning..it was frigid. attracting everyone to our hot cocoa...so we could tell them we loved them all! we're doing it for our own campus on friday morning and i'm stoked. so excited!

i'm dedicating the time after i finish up this post to several academic things on my agenda. phew. lab final. computer science homework. exam reviews. awesome. so thrilled....so, last night i took a look at psalm 103 as my first psalm of the thirty day challenge. what a way to start, for real. i didn't plan on starting there, but i'm so thankful that's where i did! it reminded me of so many truths and reminded me of my God's character. His love. His faithfulness. His perfection. that He is God. there is no other like Him.

"The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities." Psalm 103:8-10

i'm so thankful for that truth. He doesn't treat me like i deserve. He loves me, despite the fact i have chosen things over Him. that i choose things, even now, over Him. and that i'll choose things over Him in the future. He knows that. He loves me, regardless. my mind cannot comprehend it. i don't understand. i worship a holy, immeasurable God. His love cannot be contained. so thankful.

time flies when you're.....busy.

it's been too long. i feel like my life has been upholding a pretty stagnant state. school, study, sleep, work on occasion, school, study, sleep. i remember some really fun events that i've been apart of over the past few months, but i don't recall much more than that. that makes me very, very upset. there are times in life, we all encounter and remember every detail of them, where we are on mountain tops. everything is just peachy. life is at an all time high. everything seems to be 'going in our direction'. same type of thing occurs in a valley. except everything is at an all time low. everything seems to be 'going in everyone else's direction'. but what about when we are at the middle of the slope? caught between the valley and the mountain top? here it seems as if we are just 'breathing'. not gasping for air because we feel suffocated or not breathing deep, long breaths to not miss a moment. things in this part are just bleh. you're getting by without a lot of strife or troubles, but you aren't feeling overjoyed and overcome by excitement and thrill. what do we do here? how do we get out of this middle ground, this funk? i've found that for the past several months i've been in this weird place.

i didn't want to be here, but i suppose it's been easy to stay here. and it's been just a weird phase in my life. i'm not sure why, or how it even happened. i have become more and more aware of this phase over the past few weeks. it's time for something radical. it's time to make radical changes in my life. praying for God to restore the true joy of my salvation. not only praying and hoping, but believing He will do it. there is no shame in admitting where we're at in life or in our spiritual journeys--i think it's the perfect place to start our renewal.

so where to go from here? i know i'm not the only one in this journey...and i know i'm not the only one in this phase. i know many, many people fight these moments in their own lives. so how does one go about climbing the mountain. going the way that the devil doesn't want us to go? i guess i need to assemble some tools to go about this. starting with the foundation of truth, His word. His words will be my starting point, relying on them always. i must decide to fully surround myself with them. i'll begin with that. so, for the next thirty days i'll journey through the Psalms. we did that this summer at camp and it was incredible and i feel like going through them would be a great place to start....and they'll equip me with so many prayers. my hope is to keep this updated through most of the pslams i'll go through. trying to put into words things learned and milestones crossed in my own heart.

i'll close with some lyrics to a song that reminded me so much of the Savior who loves me, deeply.

"Living He loved me, dying He saved me,
buried He carried my sins far away,
Rising He justified, freely forever,
one day He's coming,
Oh glorious day!"

old times past.

so, i accidentally logged into my blog from summer 2009...i saw i posted something in it may 2010...clearly, by accident. i'm sure i meant to post it in this blog. just forgetting i had two i suppose. as i re-read my entry from may 2010...i was reminded of so much. where the Lord has brought me and where He desires to take me still. i'm going to post it on this blog now....thankful for so much.

oh man. it's may. i cannot believe it, really. exams were this week so that was quite chaotic. i have one more exam left and i cannot wait to say IT'S SUMMER! camp is coming up very soon and i am just so excited about that. i just cannot wait to embark on all the wonderful adventures that i know i'll encounter! so wonderful! i just cannot wait for another amazing summer. i'm going to miss my family a whole lot, but i'm thankful for the twenty days that i'll have with them before i go :) good stuff. i'm also kind of bummed about leaving all my friends at school. they have become staples in my life--weird to go months without them.

you know-on a different note, i've come to realize a lot about forgiveness and genuine-ness (idk if that is really a word). it is a very cool thing when you experience genuine forgiveness and genuine repentance. it is just another reminder of how real God is, that those things are possible. there is such a peace in forgiveness and repentance. no more knots in the stomach or mindless day dreaming of what-ifs and worries, but just peace. awesome stuff.

i'm really looking forward to these next couple of weeks. hoping to be able to blog a lot more than usual. i do enjoy a good blog. get my feelings out there. awesomeeeee stuff. looking forward to the wonderful month ahead of me. praying that God would put a relentless passion for Him inside me. a deep desire that nothing could change. i'm needing that.

New Friends!

So, i have been so excited about meeting many new students since i've been back at school. particularly i've been excited about meeting a lot of new freshman and i have high hopes of meeting tons of international students. i love international students for many, many reasons. they have brought so much cultural diversity to the campus of USC and they are so eager about being here. i love meeting them and learning from them. it gives me a insight to the world outside of the US and keeps me on my toes. i'm so excited about the opportunities i have before me to go and meet more international students. i was about to go to the International Student Association meeting last night and met two girls specifically that i am so excited about spending much more time with! their names are Rina and Shizuka. they are from Japan and have only been here a few short weeks. they are students trying to learn english through the local english program. they are so exciting and fun--and so eager to learn english. i can see a lot of awesome times ahead with them. tomorrow i am picking them up and cooking an american breakfast for them, i'm so excited.

i am just beyond blessed by the ways God has shown Himself to me lately by reminding me that i am His. since i've been back from camp it hasn't been the easiest adjustment. i went from bible study every morning at 730, ministry work (which was awesome) all day long, and worship at night. it was a constant flow of the His word into my life. since being at home, the bible hasn't just naturally surrounded everything i do or been apart of my schedule like it was during camp. it is a choice now. i must wake up and choose to be in the word, and choose to live by the standards it shows me. it is still an adjustment and i'm thankful for a group of friends that desire the word and desire to seek Him. i've had my struggles since being at school, but none the cross hasn't overcome. and i'm thankful for that.

It has been too long.

So, my last post was in JUNE! Unbelievable. I have missed blogging, I really have. Summer is over and classes are in full swing. I have so much I feel the need to share with the world, but it is all still overwhelming to me. A lot of things I'm still processing. Things from this summer, relationships that I've made, wonderful moments with my family, and now...school. It is unreal. God has been more than faithful and good to me this summer. I could write a novel on camp and the things I learned and the many ways I saw God move. There were many times we prayed as a staff for prayer requests given to us by youth ministers and many times we saw those prayers answered within days. God was faithful, and always good. I have a new sister and her name is Maurine. Maurine grew up in Compassion International and traveled with our team speaking on behalf of children across the world. I saw God move in huge ways through this 90 lb African woman. She is someone I have been so blessed to have met. She has changed my life and I'm so thankful that the Lord allowed her to come into my life. I continue to talk to her and learn from her. Currently, a few people close to me are praying through ways we can help Maurine and also help her community. Helping them in physical poverty, but more importantly spiritual poverty. God is mighty and it is all in His time.

Having been back at school I've been able to get involved in international ministries a lot! I've been so excited all summer to get plugged in more on campus. I'm hoping to get a conversation partner soon (i will meet with an international student for an hour a week and talk with them...so they can practice english). I was able to go to a spanish church on sunday and that was such a treat. It was actually a very powerful sermon. My knowledge of spanish is not that great, but I was able to understand a lot more than I thought. The pastor went over passages of scripture reminding us all that the devil is out to steal, kill, and destroy...and then he went over what Christ did for us. He set us free, Libre. We sang a song all about Libre. Being free in Christ. We then went through Psalm 51 and it just inspired me so much....praying that God would restore to me the joy of His salvation. I'm currently going to try and memorize Psalm 51. I'll leave on that note for today...
Psalm 51: 10-12
"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me."

Psalmos 52:10-12
"Crea en mi, oh Dios, un corazon limpio, y renueva la firmeza de mi espiritu. No me alejes de tu presencia ni me quites tu santo Espiritu. Devuelveme la alegria de tu salvacion; que un espiritua obediente me sostenga."

camp madness.

so, camp is crazy. it has been so long since i have been able to update. training week was so intense and every minute was filled with something to do. i enjoyed it so much. my team is quite incredible. each person is so unique and i'm so surprised at how much i care for them this early. it is going to be an incredible next two months. we're on our third camp out of eleven right now. hearing the word daily in a sermon and being a part of such an incredible worship atmosphere is something i've taken for granted. i'm so thankful for such incredible people around me. the things i've learned since i've been here would take me all day to tell about. more currently, i've been challenged to read through Ecclesiastes. pretty powerful book. it discusses the meaning of life in pretty harsh terms. how everything in this life is meaningless. it has been making me think of idols i have in my life, meaningless and temporary idols. i was also challenged by someone on my team who is trying to rid their life from idols. i'll continue to seek and read. every morning we have staff devotion at 730 a.m. and our team (the blue team) is going through the psalms. today we went through psalm 100 and looked at how truly incredible it is. all nations giving praise to God. how glorious. and the worship leader this week is jeff johnson, who is incredible. i'll leave you with the lyrics to one of his songs...it is a powerful prayer to pray and i am thankful the Lord has allowed me to be included in such a great ministry this summer. i look forward to the convictions i'll feel throughout the summer and the lessons He'll continue to teach me.

woe to me, i am unclean.
a sinner, found in Your presence.
i see You, seated on Your throne.
exalted, Your glory surrounds You.
now the plans that i have made, fail to compare.
when i see Your glory.

ruin my life, the plans that i made.
ruin these eyes, for my own selfish gain.
destroy the idols that have taken Your place,
till it's You alone i live for, You alone i live for.

woe to me, i am unclean.
a sinner, found in Your presence.
i see You, seated on Your throne.
exalted, Your glory surrounds You.

now the plans that i have made
fail to compare, when i see Your glory.

holy, holy is the Lord almighty.
holy, is the Lord
holy, holy is the Lord almighty.
holy, is the Lord