He is at work.

okay-lots to share with this one...
so, when i left this i had $270 for nicaragua, in the morning i woke up to my mom sharing with me someone handed her $40. okay-up to $310. now, get ready for this. i found out i'll need the remaining $500 by february 15th. so..on wednesday, Tim (our bcm director) told me to stop by the bcm center whenever i could. i came in and to my utmost surprise he informed me a few students came to him and wanted to help me out. they wanted to remain unknown, but had given me $250 for my trip! so yeah, i was shocked and i still am!! insanity! God has just been so awesome to me!!! so i need $250 more, but i have complete faith that the rest of the money will be given! i am soo pumped!..i also got the opportunity to go to Converge 2010 this weekend. it is a statewide bcm event which was amazing. i got to meet up with friends from high school, as well as meet some new friends! i got to meet a lot of people from Anderson University..totally cool people! also, i was able to get closer to people in my own bcm. always great worshipping with fellow believers! God really showed up throughout the time there. His awesomeness was everywhere. He really just taught me to confess it all to Him. He already knows, but how can i expect Him to heal my heart unless i confess it and give it to Him, fully. it is something that is going to be very hard to do...i guess the only thing stopping me is the pain i'll feel while i re-hash emotions and get to the root of the hurt. i had a good step tonight. something came over me and i just lost it, completely broke down. it was good. i'm starting to realize, He is the only one that can provide peace. it is something i know in my head, but tonight i felt it in my heart. awesome stuff. the peace was worth the pain. peace will last forever, while pain is merely temporary. so yeah-these past few days have been awesome. God is great! all the time!

i'll leave you with some awesome quotes from converge 2010.

**we need to live lifes that say, "i follow a crucified saviour all the way to calvary"
**we should never revel in and enjoy the very things that Jesus came to destroy
**satans strategy: he creates an environment where he will solicit our thoughts to stir our affections and lead us to go in a direction we were never meant to be. leaving us people we were never created to be.
**what you think about determines what you care about; what you care about determines what you chase
**the best defense to sin is a great offense

Nicaragua-Round 3

so...these days have been so crazy lately. some incredible news, i'm going to NICARAGUA for spring break 2010! heard about it on monday night, decided tuesday, and now i'm going. yeah-that sums it up. i met a kid two summers ago named stephen in nicaragua. he was a summer missionary there and we've kind of kept in touch throughout the past two years. monday he asked me what my spring break was and if i had plans...finding out i had none, he preceeded to tell me that there is a position now open to go to nica for spring break with a team he is leading. three hundred dollars has been paid so that leaves 850 left to fund. i just knew that nicaragua was where i am supposed to be for spring break. yesterday was kind of stressful because i found out i needed to have 300 dollars in by monday. i don't have 300 dollars to just write a check. God is so awesome and by the end of last night i was up to 270 in donations. God is great! so, awesome. i'm pretty sure that is straight up affirmation that is where i am supposed to be. yay. well i have two tests in the next two days, but i couldn't go on without just writing this out. i know God will provide the rest of the money. He is so faithful, all the time.

long time. no post.

life has been going so fast! since wednesday i've been busy..very busy. had some awesome moments with some awesome friends. thursday was eventful. classes coupled with shagging at night. awesome fun. got to skype with rachel, who is in thailand right now :) yay. awesome to hear about her crazy fun life across the world! shagging was also fun. got to see some friends that i haven't seen like this entire semester. awesome to see what the Lord has been doing in their lives, so encouraging. friday was a good day as well! classes, basketball, and soccer! i played soccer with my friend josh and some youth from his home church. it was sooo much fun. great to be back on the field too, seeing that i miss being apart of a team. last night we had some people over to our apartment. one of them being a girl named angela! she is from malaysia (sp?). got to hear about life across the ocean, totally great. we watched some trutv (cops, etc)...then played skip-bo and spoons. oh-we love spoons at this apartment. today i woke up and just got back from playing volleyball and lifting weights with on of my roomies, aubrey. had a blast. now, we have goals to meet before dinner...we have lots of school, but also want to fit in some movies? we'll see about all this chaos!
so...lately, God has been continuing to be near to my heart. i have found such a blessing and excitement from telling people what He has done for me lately and the many ways that i have grown. many people check in on and me and see how i am really doing and it is the perfect opportunity to share that in the midst of heartbreak i feel closest to the Lord, ironic huh? not so much, at all. it is the moments when we are truly broken we experience Him all the more. makes me want to be broken a lot more often...was reminded yesterday what john piper told us at passion. when we feel most insiginifcant, we have the most joy. also that the Lord wants us to worship Him and give Him glory not for His selfishness, but out of His love for us. what i mean to say is...God knows we can only experience complete joy when we are completely focused on Him; therefore, He desires our worship and praise because that is when we are tuly complete. idk if that makes any sense or not. still grasping God's greatness. will be forever, actually. okay-now to school.

wednesday. whirlwind.

so, yesterday. long day to say the least. after BCM, which was aboslutely amazing, i went bowling. with many people i didn't know, and i had the most wonderful time. i got to get to know some pretty awesome, crazy people :). yay for new friends, really. i'm excited that the bible study i'm leading as a few members already! it will start next monday. it is on the book captivating. yippee. today is a very long day. very long. class from 9-10, then an organization fair (i'll be reppin BCM) from 10-1. oh yeah-class until 215 after that :). long day, but i'm blessed to be able to do all of this. no plans tonight, as of now. there was talk with my roomie aubrey about going up to the workout place and playing volleyball tonight or something of the sorts. so yeah-the Lord has been growing me lots lately. today i'm making it a special plan to really have some quality time with Him. the past few days have been rough, but He has been tugging at my heart each day for some real time with Him. today, that WILL happen! :) so yeah-i've attached a song which is awesome and i think you should listen to it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WifScmrU6CI :) k thanks.

gathering thoughts.

hm. well, this weekend flew by! disciple now was the most wonderful thing. it was awesome to lead some girls, hopefully closer to the Lord, and be ministered to myself. we talked a lot about idols and what they are in our own lives and what a changed life should look like. it was really a wonderful weekend. matt papa was our worship leader and speaker..he did an awesome job! well-i came back to school sunday night and just got settled in for the most part. yesterday was a very eventful day...i woke up, went on a very short jog, got ready, gave a friend a tour of USC, played ultimate frisbee in the afternoon, had a roomie dinner, watched tv, made milkshakes, and did some homework. phew, tiring just remembering it all. today i had class, ewe. my friend chris may come by USC and visit today which i would enjoy! later on i have some more classes and such then BCM. bcm is talking about 'how to have a marriage better than your parents' ... i'm super excited to listen in on that! well, i also got a letter from my compassion child last week and i wrote her back today..i love getting those letters. well-God has really shown Himself to me lately. i was telling a friend the other day i don't ever remember a time when i felt so close to the Lord like i do right now. i am really enjoying this a whole lot. i've been able to find so much joy in Him. it is magical thing...so yeah. right now i feel a burden to share His love in bigger and stronger ways. we'll see what happens. just got to stay close to His heart, mostly by means of His word. thanks for tracking along with this journey of mine. this week should be great. really, great. :)

the. uprising.

so..today started the uprising weekend. formerly known as diciple now! i had classes this morning and then traveled back home to be a leader for this weekend 'adventure' that i have been attending for atleast 5 years as a student and now a leader..making this my second time leading. i am with the 10th grade girls and we are stationed at my house..which is very nice :). we are being led by Matt Papa. he is an incredible worship leader and i'm happy to be apart of worship with him. i worked with him some this summer as i staffed with Student Life. he was our camp worship leader for several camps. tonight it was nice to see hearts open up to the Lord and witness teenagers getting glimpes of how awesome the Lord is. the Lord has been teaching me so much and i feel so blessed to have felt so close to him in the past few weeks. the situation which i have been hurting so much over has led to some incredible blessings. i'm starting to long for time with Him and time to just be in His presence. it is the most incredible feeling ever. i never want it to pass away.
anyways, tonight matt read out of exodus 20 and discussed how the Lord desires to be our one and only, he is jealous for us. he talked about how Jesus is the bride and we are the bridegroom. also, in the bible the metaphor of jesus being the bride is more common that jesus being father and we being children. weird, huh. Jesus is the lover of our souls and he is waiting for us. we are all too much like prostitutes to Him. giving ourselves over to thing after thing...as He patiently waits down the aisle for us. it seems so different when i look at it that way. as if i am 'giving myself away' to self-gratifying things. lots to think about. we came back to the house and discussed the meaning of 'the old has past and the new has come'. do we really live like that? or, do we say we are christians and live like the world? carrying on the same habits and routines of the world? the girls gave me examples and struggles of their own that they think need changing. all things ranging from music, movies, gossip, sarcasm, jokes, etc. this weekend will be awesome. i just know it.

God, You are so good. You and You alone.
Meet us here as we realize You and You alone are pure in heart.
You and You alone desire us for yourself.
You and You alone are jealous for our souls.
You and You alone are perfect.
We are nothing without You and You alone.
Let us live in Your truth.

Okay. so i don't have a lot of time tonight. slept through my first class. yup. went to the doctor, possibly have strep. i'll be fine. starbucks with a friend, josh. quesadilla for dinner. yum. basketball game now, womens. with aubrey (roomie) and ryan (her bf). jillians later tonight. what is jillians? shagging every thursday. later, laundry/packing. class tomorrow. disciple now (leading for the 10th grade girls, yes!). disciple now all weekend. probably no blog. coming back to cola on sunday. yay. maybe monday? who knows. gotta go. later.

day 3.

Well, today has been pretty productive compared to yesterday! I woke up this morning and got ready before my 9 a.m. nutrition class. while getting ready i listened to some songs i downloaded from Passion 2010. today, i feel blessed. i've felt the Lord's presence today like insanity. i'll be praying to feel that every day from here on out! so wonderful. well, i was able to completely unpack today and get rid of lots of trash in my room. it is crazy when i start going through your stuff all the memories you stumble upon. some bring back strong emotions, while others you find you are ready to part with. i was able to make it on time to my anatomy class today-front row! i'm actually so intrigued by the challenge of the course. finally. the structure of the human body itself can only be God. amazing. i printed out some photos at CVS today as well...creating something cool. also, got to speak with a friend i met while in nicaragua two summers ago. awesome time of sharing. also, talking to a dear friend of mine, nabo. lots to discuss as we live like 12 hours away from one another. she was a student life brown team 09 member just like me..i love catching up with my little 'brownies'. :) she is in the one in the photo ;). today, i'll also catch up with another friend, haley! i miss all my friends from home while i am away at school, but when i am home i miss all my school friends! well-i'll be headed to a basketball game tonight with my friend Josh! for now, i'll leave you with this to chew on...

"And everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure." 1 John 3:3

day 2

Well, today i have found myself being, yet again, so unproductive! i woke up early to go to my statistics class at 8 a.m....yuck. i came back and did basically nothing before heading to speech disorders class and an exercise science course. those were quite interesting and i got to see some old 'class' friends which was nice. i am now trying to unpack, still! christmas break was filled with lots of traveling and events and i miss it so much! break started out with some pretty rough news and was left with a broken heart. however, i'm blessed to serve the one who heals all things and desires to make new what is broken! i have been blessed with God's sovereignty and love during times of confusion. i don't know why the Lord has allowed some events in my life to occur, but there is a devine purpose. one that i may never know, but one that He will use. in light of those truths i've been able to find peace in a whirlwhin of emotions and strength to draw near to Him. so anyways, i was able to go to Passion 2010 and it was the most incredible thing ever! i didn't get any clarity on my current circumstance, but now i realize i don't need that! after, i flew straight to NYC! i stayed with my wonderful aunt and uncle and got to explore thc city. it was a trip i planned to take with someone else, but things didn't work out. i was concerned about going solo, but the Lord yet again used that to grow me! i had the greatest time! so yeah--sitting here in my apartment doesn't seem like the most exciting thing coming off of all my recent adventures. we'll see how this semester goes! i'm expecting to strengthen friendships and truly be more adventurous (something i generally lack)! BCM (baptist collegiate ministry) tonight! yay for some fellowship and worship! but first, a two hour anatomy lab..yay.

day 1

so...i tried to keep up a blog this summer, but it was so event-filled that i rarely ever got the opportunity to type up a whole lot. i have recently realized that i really would like to keep a blog to just jot down my life. for both myself and others, really. for myself to get out thoughts and be able to be honest and for others...that they might be able to benefit from my experiences and journey alongside of me.
now, a little about myself. i am a sophomore exercise science major and i'm really just seeking to enjoy my time at college and make the most out of every opportunity. i am really involved with BCM here on campus (baptist collegiate ministry) and i love being involved there. i have three roommates, however, one of them is studying abroad in Thailand this semester. one of the most important things about me, i believe, are the relationships i cherish. i love my family and i truly desire to be as open with them as possible. i tell my mom and dad most everything and don't like keeping things from them. also, i love my sweet little sisters as they really do make me so happy! my friends also mean a whole lot to me. i have a few very close friends and couldn't imagine journeying through life without them. but, the most important relationship i have is the one i share with my savior, Jesus Christ. i came to know Him at the age of 9 and He is just as real in my life now as He was on the day i received Him into my life.
now, you'll come to realize that my life hasn't been what the world would say is the easiest, but it is my life. i have overcome challenges through my relationship with my savior. even now, i hope to encourage people by what He has done in and through my life. i cannot explain events in my life, but i hope to reveal to you some steadfast truths of Jesus through them. through this blog i want to open to share what i'm going through (the good and the bad), what the Lord is teaching me, my struggles, and my joys. i hope that you, whoever you may be, will stick with me as i hope to be as open as possible with you. thanks for your time. only this introduction will be this long :)