it doesn't have to be thanksgiving for me to be thankful!

wednesday. oh, wednesday. the week is halfway done and i haven't accomplished much on my academic to-do list. my social list, almost completely empty now :). success. this morning was an early morning. haven't seen 6 a.m. since the summer time! i was able to go, with a few other BCM-ers, and give out hot cocoa and donuts to Columbia College (a local all girls college)...and boy, it was great. it hasn't been very cold around here, but this morning..it was frigid. attracting everyone to our hot cocoa...so we could tell them we loved them all! we're doing it for our own campus on friday morning and i'm stoked. so excited!

i'm dedicating the time after i finish up this post to several academic things on my agenda. phew. lab final. computer science homework. exam reviews. awesome. so thrilled....so, last night i took a look at psalm 103 as my first psalm of the thirty day challenge. what a way to start, for real. i didn't plan on starting there, but i'm so thankful that's where i did! it reminded me of so many truths and reminded me of my God's character. His love. His faithfulness. His perfection. that He is God. there is no other like Him.

"The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities." Psalm 103:8-10

i'm so thankful for that truth. He doesn't treat me like i deserve. He loves me, despite the fact i have chosen things over Him. that i choose things, even now, over Him. and that i'll choose things over Him in the future. He knows that. He loves me, regardless. my mind cannot comprehend it. i don't understand. i worship a holy, immeasurable God. His love cannot be contained. so thankful.

time flies when you're.....busy.

it's been too long. i feel like my life has been upholding a pretty stagnant state. school, study, sleep, work on occasion, school, study, sleep. i remember some really fun events that i've been apart of over the past few months, but i don't recall much more than that. that makes me very, very upset. there are times in life, we all encounter and remember every detail of them, where we are on mountain tops. everything is just peachy. life is at an all time high. everything seems to be 'going in our direction'. same type of thing occurs in a valley. except everything is at an all time low. everything seems to be 'going in everyone else's direction'. but what about when we are at the middle of the slope? caught between the valley and the mountain top? here it seems as if we are just 'breathing'. not gasping for air because we feel suffocated or not breathing deep, long breaths to not miss a moment. things in this part are just bleh. you're getting by without a lot of strife or troubles, but you aren't feeling overjoyed and overcome by excitement and thrill. what do we do here? how do we get out of this middle ground, this funk? i've found that for the past several months i've been in this weird place.

i didn't want to be here, but i suppose it's been easy to stay here. and it's been just a weird phase in my life. i'm not sure why, or how it even happened. i have become more and more aware of this phase over the past few weeks. it's time for something radical. it's time to make radical changes in my life. praying for God to restore the true joy of my salvation. not only praying and hoping, but believing He will do it. there is no shame in admitting where we're at in life or in our spiritual journeys--i think it's the perfect place to start our renewal.

so where to go from here? i know i'm not the only one in this journey...and i know i'm not the only one in this phase. i know many, many people fight these moments in their own lives. so how does one go about climbing the mountain. going the way that the devil doesn't want us to go? i guess i need to assemble some tools to go about this. starting with the foundation of truth, His word. His words will be my starting point, relying on them always. i must decide to fully surround myself with them. i'll begin with that. so, for the next thirty days i'll journey through the Psalms. we did that this summer at camp and it was incredible and i feel like going through them would be a great place to start....and they'll equip me with so many prayers. my hope is to keep this updated through most of the pslams i'll go through. trying to put into words things learned and milestones crossed in my own heart.

i'll close with some lyrics to a song that reminded me so much of the Savior who loves me, deeply.

"Living He loved me, dying He saved me,
buried He carried my sins far away,
Rising He justified, freely forever,
one day He's coming,
Oh glorious day!"

old times past.

so, i accidentally logged into my blog from summer 2009...i saw i posted something in it may 2010...clearly, by accident. i'm sure i meant to post it in this blog. just forgetting i had two i suppose. as i re-read my entry from may 2010...i was reminded of so much. where the Lord has brought me and where He desires to take me still. i'm going to post it on this blog now....thankful for so much.

oh man. it's may. i cannot believe it, really. exams were this week so that was quite chaotic. i have one more exam left and i cannot wait to say IT'S SUMMER! camp is coming up very soon and i am just so excited about that. i just cannot wait to embark on all the wonderful adventures that i know i'll encounter! so wonderful! i just cannot wait for another amazing summer. i'm going to miss my family a whole lot, but i'm thankful for the twenty days that i'll have with them before i go :) good stuff. i'm also kind of bummed about leaving all my friends at school. they have become staples in my life--weird to go months without them.

you know-on a different note, i've come to realize a lot about forgiveness and genuine-ness (idk if that is really a word). it is a very cool thing when you experience genuine forgiveness and genuine repentance. it is just another reminder of how real God is, that those things are possible. there is such a peace in forgiveness and repentance. no more knots in the stomach or mindless day dreaming of what-ifs and worries, but just peace. awesome stuff.

i'm really looking forward to these next couple of weeks. hoping to be able to blog a lot more than usual. i do enjoy a good blog. get my feelings out there. awesomeeeee stuff. looking forward to the wonderful month ahead of me. praying that God would put a relentless passion for Him inside me. a deep desire that nothing could change. i'm needing that.

New Friends!

So, i have been so excited about meeting many new students since i've been back at school. particularly i've been excited about meeting a lot of new freshman and i have high hopes of meeting tons of international students. i love international students for many, many reasons. they have brought so much cultural diversity to the campus of USC and they are so eager about being here. i love meeting them and learning from them. it gives me a insight to the world outside of the US and keeps me on my toes. i'm so excited about the opportunities i have before me to go and meet more international students. i was about to go to the International Student Association meeting last night and met two girls specifically that i am so excited about spending much more time with! their names are Rina and Shizuka. they are from Japan and have only been here a few short weeks. they are students trying to learn english through the local english program. they are so exciting and fun--and so eager to learn english. i can see a lot of awesome times ahead with them. tomorrow i am picking them up and cooking an american breakfast for them, i'm so excited.

i am just beyond blessed by the ways God has shown Himself to me lately by reminding me that i am His. since i've been back from camp it hasn't been the easiest adjustment. i went from bible study every morning at 730, ministry work (which was awesome) all day long, and worship at night. it was a constant flow of the His word into my life. since being at home, the bible hasn't just naturally surrounded everything i do or been apart of my schedule like it was during camp. it is a choice now. i must wake up and choose to be in the word, and choose to live by the standards it shows me. it is still an adjustment and i'm thankful for a group of friends that desire the word and desire to seek Him. i've had my struggles since being at school, but none the cross hasn't overcome. and i'm thankful for that.

It has been too long.

So, my last post was in JUNE! Unbelievable. I have missed blogging, I really have. Summer is over and classes are in full swing. I have so much I feel the need to share with the world, but it is all still overwhelming to me. A lot of things I'm still processing. Things from this summer, relationships that I've made, wonderful moments with my family, and now...school. It is unreal. God has been more than faithful and good to me this summer. I could write a novel on camp and the things I learned and the many ways I saw God move. There were many times we prayed as a staff for prayer requests given to us by youth ministers and many times we saw those prayers answered within days. God was faithful, and always good. I have a new sister and her name is Maurine. Maurine grew up in Compassion International and traveled with our team speaking on behalf of children across the world. I saw God move in huge ways through this 90 lb African woman. She is someone I have been so blessed to have met. She has changed my life and I'm so thankful that the Lord allowed her to come into my life. I continue to talk to her and learn from her. Currently, a few people close to me are praying through ways we can help Maurine and also help her community. Helping them in physical poverty, but more importantly spiritual poverty. God is mighty and it is all in His time.

Having been back at school I've been able to get involved in international ministries a lot! I've been so excited all summer to get plugged in more on campus. I'm hoping to get a conversation partner soon (i will meet with an international student for an hour a week and talk with them...so they can practice english). I was able to go to a spanish church on sunday and that was such a treat. It was actually a very powerful sermon. My knowledge of spanish is not that great, but I was able to understand a lot more than I thought. The pastor went over passages of scripture reminding us all that the devil is out to steal, kill, and destroy...and then he went over what Christ did for us. He set us free, Libre. We sang a song all about Libre. Being free in Christ. We then went through Psalm 51 and it just inspired me so much....praying that God would restore to me the joy of His salvation. I'm currently going to try and memorize Psalm 51. I'll leave on that note for today...
Psalm 51: 10-12
"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me."

Psalmos 52:10-12
"Crea en mi, oh Dios, un corazon limpio, y renueva la firmeza de mi espiritu. No me alejes de tu presencia ni me quites tu santo Espiritu. Devuelveme la alegria de tu salvacion; que un espiritua obediente me sostenga."

camp madness.

so, camp is crazy. it has been so long since i have been able to update. training week was so intense and every minute was filled with something to do. i enjoyed it so much. my team is quite incredible. each person is so unique and i'm so surprised at how much i care for them this early. it is going to be an incredible next two months. we're on our third camp out of eleven right now. hearing the word daily in a sermon and being a part of such an incredible worship atmosphere is something i've taken for granted. i'm so thankful for such incredible people around me. the things i've learned since i've been here would take me all day to tell about. more currently, i've been challenged to read through Ecclesiastes. pretty powerful book. it discusses the meaning of life in pretty harsh terms. how everything in this life is meaningless. it has been making me think of idols i have in my life, meaningless and temporary idols. i was also challenged by someone on my team who is trying to rid their life from idols. i'll continue to seek and read. every morning we have staff devotion at 730 a.m. and our team (the blue team) is going through the psalms. today we went through psalm 100 and looked at how truly incredible it is. all nations giving praise to God. how glorious. and the worship leader this week is jeff johnson, who is incredible. i'll leave you with the lyrics to one of his songs...it is a powerful prayer to pray and i am thankful the Lord has allowed me to be included in such a great ministry this summer. i look forward to the convictions i'll feel throughout the summer and the lessons He'll continue to teach me.

woe to me, i am unclean.
a sinner, found in Your presence.
i see You, seated on Your throne.
exalted, Your glory surrounds You.
now the plans that i have made, fail to compare.
when i see Your glory.

ruin my life, the plans that i made.
ruin these eyes, for my own selfish gain.
destroy the idols that have taken Your place,
till it's You alone i live for, You alone i live for.

woe to me, i am unclean.
a sinner, found in Your presence.
i see You, seated on Your throne.
exalted, Your glory surrounds You.

now the plans that i have made
fail to compare, when i see Your glory.

holy, holy is the Lord almighty.
holy, is the Lord
holy, holy is the Lord almighty.
holy, is the Lord

so...it's may.

it has clearly been quite some time since i last posted...fail. i thought, like one might think, that with finals all done i would have all the time in the world to do fun things such as blog. whelp, wrong. i've been somewhat busier now than i was like all semester. just visiting people, shopping, working, family time, etc. it has been a real blast, but the reality of me leaving home for the entire summer in 10 days is crazy. still a lot to pack. luckily, i've purchased all i need to get for the summer minus one or two items. phew. still some people to see and some conversations to have :) fun times.

as i've been home i've been able to read this book called Forgotten God, by Francis Chan. the book is a MUST-READ. it is so good and it deals with the Holy Spirit. it is a truly convicting and challenging book. i was most def convicted of something a lot of believers do...we form our opinions on 'hot topics' or really any topic and we THEN search for scripture that backs it up. contrary to the correct way to go about this...pray about a topic and search in the word FIRST, then make your view on it from the Bible. and honestly, do we approach the Bible in humility that we could be wrong on certain issues? or do we search it completely biased to what we've been taught or what we think is correct...hm. good stuff.

exciting news..two of my good friends from camp got engaged the other day! ah! i'm going to be a bridesmaid in the wedding (my first time being a bridesmaid :) )! ah! i am just so excited for the two of them and i think they will have such a wonderful marriage and i cannot wait to see their journey together. they both love the Lord a whole lot and i know that they will continue to seek Him as they become one. through their experience i just realize how much of a romantic i am. i love, love. hah. silly, but completely true. it's totally fine because i cannot seem to be any more joyous for them :) yayay! keep you posted on the wedding plans, etc :)

now--off to work.

closing time.

so, school is about to end. and i'm quite indifferent about the whole thing. i want the class and exam part to end, but i really don't want the legit 'college' aspect of it to end. you know, the socializing, always with your friends part. now, i am super excited about working with Student Life again this summer...don't get me wrong there, but leaving all my friends for the summer will be much more difficult this time i believe. this semester/year i've made some really close friends and some unforgettable memories. the Lord has done so much over this school year. as i recall previous posts i see all that the Lord has done and all the works He has started in my life. i am reminded of the verse that says He who created a good work in you will be faithful until completion. how awesome is that? all the things God has stirred up in my heart this year, He will stick by and carry out His purpose in them. some things i have done this year have been so random, yet so awesome. i've been out of the country and i have fallen in love with international students. hearing about their cultures and truly making friendships with them has been amazing. now, seeing some of them leave for summer and knowing i won't be seeing them again--that is more difficult than one might think.

at BCM last night we went over the year and had a time of prayer for the summer. God is using students from USC in powerful ways this summer. many are traveling abroad to bring His news, and many will be ministering to those they'll meet here in the states. i look forward to engulfing myself in the awesomeness of summer. i have many expectations and goals of myself this summer. one of them being to truly let my heart be captivated by His love. to be consumed and sit back in that consumption and truly be content. to truly want nothing more than what He has to offer me. so many times i find myself wanting more, always trying to excel in everything. this summer will be crazy busy and will require a lot of hard work and dedication, but i truly believe as a christian i can be crazy busy working/serving for the Lord and still rest in Him. it sounds like those things aren't possible, but i think when we truly are serving the Lord by serving others and our hearts are completely surrendered to His plan, we are at rest in Him. we find that we are exactly where He has called us to be--we get a sigh of relief that He is guiding us and we are His. He is protecting us. now, that's just one goal this summer... :) the others are little 'fun' things. make new friends, see the U.S., let students impact me, etc. God is so good and i'm blessed to be apart of His work.

right now, i'll be honest with you. i gotta get in the word. big time. it seems that sometimes i just don't have that desire and i'm in that valley position. i'm honest about this, yes, but it isn't okay. so, it's time to be obediant. that's that. obediance. hm, tough stuff. thanks for reading...

difficulties.

yesterday in the bible study i lead on the book 'captivating' we were wrapping up the entire book and just talking about things we've learned about God and about the way He created women. we came to the final conclusion that we will be exactly who we are supposed to be, without being held back by our insecurities and fears, when we are truly abiding in Christ. our joy will be concrete, no matter what happens to us or who leaves/enters our own lives. Christ is always steadfast, His love always near. but then why do we sometimes feel so lonely? is it because Christ has turned from us, no i don't think that is it. we have wandered out from under His wing. the very place we indeed feel burdens and sufferings of the world, but the comfort of the Lord is greater. He has overcome the world and all that is in it. Abide in Him. Abide in Him. Abide in Him. abiding in Him will always be the answer. it doesn't mean people won't hurt us or bad things won't happen, but in the midst of pain and suffering God's redeeming, loving, healing, and gentle character shines. now, we must also seek God like we do in suffering, even if we are not. we must remember who He is and how we are exactly who we are meant to be when we are in Him. His character is always perfect! in the book we also found truth about spiritual warfare. how ever present it is. how the devil does come to steal, kill, and destroy. he hates our Father with a great hatred, therefore, he hates His children-us. the devil tries to captivate our thoughts to therefore captivate our hearts, leading to the captivation of our lives and our actions. it is a scary thing, but we need to acknowledge that the devil is real. he wants us to fail. but, i'm so glad i was reminded on easter of the one who paid my debt, who raised my life up from the dead. i am under the wing of the one who defeated sin and death. and i hold that same power in me. today has been a very difficult day already and it is still morning. but in the presence of old memories and recent wounds i'm choosing to go about my day remembering that He who is in me is greater than the struggles, fears, pains, and situations around me.

ah!

alrightey. this is going to be quite brief. lots to do. been slammed. awesome. life. is. great. three. tests. project. quiz. paper. awesome....
okay--so this past week has flown by! i worked over the weekend and had an awesome time on Easter remembering what Jesus did. how awesome that He rose again and how even more awesome is it that He is going to return! reminded me of how i need to remember Easter, daily! well, i've been trying to get outside and do stuff this week. went biking and running several times. school work is overwhelming. the hardest part about college is balance. stayed up till 330 last night. got up at 730. yup, that's a total of 4 hours. i'm hoping to study into the darkness tonight--and get enough rest to do well on my first exam tomorrow at 125. and then i need to be motivated and full of rest to study for my two exams on thursday. phew. gotta get crackin. for sure. well, i'm going to still go to international lunch tomorrow. i think it will be good for me to get my mind off of anatomy before i have to take the test, plus--i love internationals. so this is good. okay, coffee is ready and calling my name. so is breakfast. so is a stack of anatomy papers. awesome. giving thanks for the opportunity to be at college, despite the chaos and madness it causes in my life--i am very thankful and blessed. honestly, keep remembering that i am not really doing the work for my teachers or my grades, but for the Lord. by being obediant to my teachers and fulfilling my assignments the best i can, i am being obediant to the Lord....awesome reminder.

"so i'm taking my hands and i'm reaching them out, and i fall down. for You i fall down"

so, it has been absolutely wonderful this past week. so much has gone on. so many challenges. it has been great though. well this past weekend i was able to be a leader for the international student day for south carolina. awesome. we met up at the zoo with a bunch of international students and took them around the zoo--quite fun. got to learn about so many different cultures. i got to meet people from colombia, thailand, moldova, britain, france, canada, australia, and some other places. so--it was incredible. and i was reminded by ken, the director, about missions. just something on my heart since getting back from nicaragua. even now, i've been starting to pray about next summer, 2011. just about where the Lord would have me be, possibly doing a foreign summer mission trip. who knows-where He leads me, I will follow. ken mentioned to us that by ministering to internationals and investing in them, we are reaching the world for Christ. which is so true. these internationals will go back to their countries one day, whether soon or in the future, and they will bring with them all the things they learned/experienced here in America. what a charge to us--to truly serve others and further the Kingdom of Christ among the nations.
--so this weekend was clearly incredible. starting this week i felt behind, like most weeks. lame :/. but, the stress of school is something i am trying to beat. i need to be responsible, but there are also areas in my life that matter far more than school. God is trying to build me and grow me, how can i ever put school above that? lately His challenge to me has been this...to have a quiet time or time with Him all day long. why do we always feels a fifteen or thirty minute time block is all we need with the Lord or really all we are willing to give Him. even then, thirty minutes seems to be a stretch. that's sad. so lately, i have tried to have my worship songs playing on my ipod as i walk to class and prayer something constantly coming off of my tongue. some days this conviction hits closer to home and it is all i can think about. other days, i have to remind myself of this challenge. i heard a song in Nicaragua that i had heard before, but this is really what i have been thinking about..that what i think about the most is my idol. and if something is my idol or many other things are my idol, i am not Christ focused. hm. just a challenge.
--heading out tomorrow to an international lunch along with some P90x at night. i know, i'm insane. p90x is so hard, but i realize i do need to take care of my body for the sole reason that it is the Lords and i need to respect it a lot more than i do. this is a very difficult thing i am coming to see...something that is definitely a large work in progress.
thanks for following up on my life as i try to let my challenges flow from my heart, to my mind, then to here on this blog.

"so i'm taking my hands and i'm reaching them out, and i fall down. before You i fall down"

:)

so..this weekend was wonderful! i was able to go home and see the family, YAY! i just love them, a whole lot. i was also about to attend a wedding, which if you dont know..i love weddings. i love most everything about them. this wedding in particular was outside and it was absolutely beautiful. it was also a beautiful picture to see two followers of Jesus come together in marriage and to know that their love for each other comes from Christ. that just gets me all giddy and excited just thinking about having that with someone :).

i also got to see two friends from Georgia this weekend that i probably won't see again for a while, so it was super nice to catch up with them. so yeah--this weekend was a success.

this week doesn't look TOO brutal. only a little bit :) hah . a project due and a test. hm. awesome. also, advisement for next year. cannot believe that i'll be a junior. insanity.



so--on the way back to columbia last night i just had the most pleasant drive. it is amazing the peace and comfort you can feel alone in your car just worshipping the Lord. i had the new passion CD turned up and i was just listening to the words and singing, a whole lot. it was such a comforting feeling. God just really pulled at my heart and reminded me of the mission He has put before me and how much He loves me. i feel so blessed to have had that encounter. so, i'm heading into this week, full force, expecting to have many more encounters with the Lord. now, i just have to remind myself of what is truly important in this life...we'll see :)

song.

here it is in spanish and english: if you know the song, i would encourage you to listen to the spanish version.

gets me excited about how when Jesus returns, EVERY nation will bow before Him and sing His praises. how awesome. also, how God desires for us to experience Heaven on earth. for His kingdom to come. awesome.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Q8ESzK5pCw&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUUEk9q_hR0

unity.

so..today has been a fairly good day...you know, just getting 'stuff' done. had a test, yada yada yada. i'm really excited about a banquet i'm going to tonight. it is for our bcm leadership team, the old and the new team. i'm excited to just get a little dressed up and be able to share some sweet fellowship with some dear friends. it is nice when that happens.

so, last night. it was an awesome night. me and my roomsies were just sitting around talking to one another about the future. talking about the craziness each of our lives will bring in the future. talking about marriage, careers, furthering our education, etc. we were just talking about everything, really. both of my roommates are in serious relationships so their future seems a little more concrete than mine. it has taken a while for me to finally embrace this singleness stuff. it doesn't necessarily feel the greatest all the time, but when i sit down and realize the Lord has me exactly where He wants me, everything is alright. the excitement also comes in when i realize i am back in square one. i can evaluate who i am in the Lord and look at what qualities and what type of person the Lord desires me to embrace. i have been seeking out the Godly qualities and such, but last night we talked about the silly little qualities that i would like and some of them, need. funny and embarassing, but i realize, i need someone pretty corny and romantic. i am a sap. i may be in denial about my sappy?-ness, but o well. haha. just some fun discussion last night that has me excited about the future and the realm of possibilities...excited to look back one day and read this stuff and see where the Lord has led me. totally cool. so yeah-that's that.

now, for some more nicaragua. the 'goodbye' day was a very difficult day...the day we were leaving the Nica's we had a little morning session with them. we were able to pray over them and their families. we were in a big circle inside Olivia's home and surrounded by that family and some additional pastors that were with us. the pastor expressed to us his gratefullness to us and how much they had been blessed by our presence. it was a very humbling experience for me because i was SO blessed by them. the pastor shared a blessing for us and reminded us that this would not be the last time we all saw each other. it was a very emotional time for our team as well as everyone in the room. being reminded of the Lord and His greatness, we were all in a silent awe. and then--something incredible happened. it was seriously a moment where the Holy Spirit was present. the pastors had prepared a song they wanted us to sing with them as a final goodbye. the song selected was just incredible, "How Great Thou Art". we sang in english as they sang in spanish and we praised the Lord, together. completely united in the Lord. there was no barrier, there was no difference between us. we were standing there together with one cause, one purpose. to glorify and praise the Lord. such a magnificient picture of heaven. that moment is one that will be permanently in mind. such a moment of being completely surrounded by the presence of the Lord and being filled by Him. awesome stuff. awesome stuff.

the start of many challenges.

wow. what a wonderful week i was able to be apart of! the nicaragua trip was one i'll never ever forget. the moments and experiences i was able to witness and be apart of are ones i doubt i will ever forget. a few of them i know are going to be landmark experiences in the journey of my faith. i'm hoping to share some of these experiences on here over the next few weeks. i could probably write a book on my trip!

well we arrived at the atlanta airport on saturday and arrived in Managua, Nicaragua around 9 at night. we got to this mission house and unpacked all of our packed backpacks to be sorted. we eliminated extra weight and repacked our packs. we set out early the next morning after some wonderful breakfast and some time in the word. we studied james chapter 1 and discussed the importance of being do-ers of the word. also, we set out with the mindset that we truly wanted to remember the people we meet and remember their faces and stories.

it was a six hour car ride. three hours on paved road and three off roading. the ride was quite bumpy and the drive was exhausting on the entire team. we arrived in Nawawas and stayed in a church for the night. the majority of the group stayed in the church and then a few of us stayed in a house next door. we hung hammocks from the ceiling and slept in them, however, some slept on a few cots we had with us. i was in the house next door...olivia's house. olivia is a fraile older woman who was so kind and hospitable. olivia had two grown sons living with her, ishmael and edwin. both of her sons are now separated from their wives-their wives are now with other men. ishmael is the pastor of one of the churches we worked with and he was beyond kind to all of us. edwin was so funny! edwin kept saying to us 'no comprendo espanol, only english' hah. he was great--he sang praise songs all the time. i don't think he'll ever know the impact he had on our team and how much we were encouraged by his smile and songs.
--still on this day, i met someone who i will never forget. her name is flora (flower in english). she is in her twenties and i met her in the church. she is beautiful and very kind-hearted. she spoke no english, but we were still able to communicate by the little spanish i knew. she grabbed my arm and drug me to the missionary and requested that she take me to her house. Loren (missionary) said that was fine and so we set off. it was a short walk and Flora introduced me to her family and gave me a tour of her home....
yeah-a tour of her home. it was fairly clean and not too big...this woman who has very little and a dirt floor gladly welcomed me into her home. she gave me some food to eat and showed me all she had. i don't know what other way to say this, but why aren't we like this? we have plenty--more than most and yet we cannot do such a simple thing as this. the point is not that we need to have the whole world over into our dirty houses. the point is far deeper than that. it is a matter of the heart. flora wasn't worried about the simple, pointless, and worldy things. she saw much deeper than that. it mattered to her to make sure i knew that she cared for me. she reached out to show me love and kindness and offer a friendship, a special bond. in moments where we feel led to do something, do we let things of the world (like a dirty house or no groceries or even a messy car) keep us from pursuing things of eternity? do we let those things take precedence over God-given moments of being blessed and showing His love? we can also justify NOT doing something because it may not be 'safe'. honestly, i could have easily been like yeah right, flora. i am not going off with you down the road into this village i know nothing of all by myself. and certainly not because i don't know spanish like at all. yeah-something like that could have easily kept me from going. i realized the moment that little thought crossed my mind how silly it was. i serve the God of the universe. when our hearts feel tugged and led, we have to trust. we make excuses, and most of the time our excuse is fear based. do we not stop and talk to a homeless man on the street because he might steal our stuff? pretty sure Jesus lived a life opposite of fear, He is a model for obediance to the father. next time you see a need or feel a call, don't think (def. don't plan out every little detail and formulate a well-organized plan either :) ) just do it. trust in the Lord that He will guide you, He doesn't need a schedule or plan to operate. trust me :). just a thought. still thinking over it myself. more to come.

first leg: complete.

oh the craziness of today. it has been awesome and i imagine it will continue to be awesome :). well, got up this morning, ventured to class, came home, finished packing! i was meaning to go to class, but i went out to lunch with the J-crew (some cool people) and that just was more important that studying anatomy today. for reals. i have worked so hard all week-so i decided i owed it to myself to relax before heading down to GA. my trip was an hour shorter than i thought, which made me super excited. i realized, i hate interstates, highways, and anything of the sort. eh. lots of farmland. awesome to arrive in vidalia, ga and read...welcome to vidalia, the sweet onion city. baha love it. here with suzanna, my new awesome friend. she'll be going on the trip as well. nice to bond with someone before getting introduced to a bunch of people tomorrow. so pumped-God is going to work and i'm excited about all the posts that i'll be able to write because of His awesomeness. He is good. please pray for the groups travels, healthiness, and for God's name to be glorified throughout all we will be doing there. pray for the people who will receive the gospel as well. thanks for your support. i trust that He will work, in huge and mighty ways...so thankful He has allowed me to be apart of His work!

God's greatness.

as i am writing today, my heart is heavy. for multiple reasons. this week has been such a dragging week. tests and a packed schedule. it is like i only remember the stressful moments of this week. i have, yet again, pushed aside the one thing that truly matters this week. i have spent all week rushing around and fulfilling so many tasks. i am trying to prepare to leave for atlanta tomorrow and nicaragua on saturday. this is my first time i have been able to start preparing this week. i was rushing around the kitchen just trying to do some chores i've put off all week, and then God's crazy way of bringing me back to His heart happened again. i was just drying a dish and i had some praise music playing and God just revealed His love and tenderness to my heart. i was like, what am i doing? all week i have put these silly tasks above this, this peace of the Lord. so needless to say, i journeyed into my room and spent some time before God. just pouring it all out. i'm nervous about nicaragua, i want to be used. i realize in my weakness He is made great, so i stand before you all and the king of kings completely humbled by His greatness. God's awesomeness appeared again as i was reading first timothy and, of course, i read this passage:
1 tim 3: 16
"Beyond all question, the mystery of godliness is great: He appeared in a body, was vindicated by the Spirit, was seen by angels, was preached among the nations, was believed on in the world, was taken up in glory."

oh God, He is truly great. this verse was awesome for many reasons. it is so encouraging to remember how Jesus beat death. He beat it, and was taken up in glory. He overcame what i will never be able to do on my own, but He lives in me. the same one who was taken up in glory, He is here. awesome. the nations will bow down to Him. for me to be traveling to Nicaragua in two days to preach Him among that nation, i am pumped. so yeah--God is overloading me with His wisdom. He is so real to me right now and i have no idea why, but i like it! it is overwhelming!

not only through that verse, but with conversations i had yesterday with some friends. just remembering God's grace and forgiveness. and remembering how i need to cling to Him and obey. i also remembered what i blogged the other day...how when i confess my sin-i confess His perfection. i confess His majesty, His greatness. i am truly blessed this feeling has been made known to me by Him. so..in my weakness, His perfection shines on. i pray it would shine in nicaragua, to my city, to my school, to my family, and throughout the world.

now--i have to continue preparing physically, emotionally, and spiritually. i'll blog before i leave tomorrow for sure. but for now, i'm going to try and live out this stuff..which is a huge task because not only do i know God's power and greatness, so does satan. that stupid killer, stealer, and destroyer...psh. good thing Jesus was taken up in glory and overcame all that satan has to offer :)

busy.

today: class, meeting, studying, bible study, studying, bed. tomorrow: test 1, shower, studying, class, class, doctors appointment, lab, BCM!, studying. wednesday: class, cram sesh, test 2, relax, studying,floor hockey (?), studying, bed. thursday: class, cram sesh, test 3, class,JILLIANS!, bed! FRIDAY: class, packin, class, ATL. SATURDAY: NICARAGUA!!!!!! so basically just living for saturday!

oh man. so if you cannot tell i am swamped. literally, swamped. good news! someone already replied to my craigs list post about leasing my apartment for the summer. this is a huge blessing!! ah! okay-now off to study. i somehow think that coffee will be my best friend this week. hmm? here is a song that has been near to my heart over the past few days. just a simple prayer, humbling.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Az9kMZyNNCM

"i'm falling on my knees. offering all of me. Jesus you're all this heart is living for. broken i run to you, for your arms are open wide. i am weary, but i know your touch restores my life. so i wait for you, so i wait for you. i'm falling on my knees, offering all of me. Jesus you're all this heart is living for. you're all i'm living for. so i wait for you, so i wait for you. so i wait, for you. i'm falling on my knees, offering all of me. Jesus you're all this heart is living for. and i'm falling on my knees. "--if we could pray this every day, do you think our lives would look just a little bit different. my schedule above, wouldn't matter to me that much don't ya think? tough pill to swallow. eh. my life is for Him.

hungry.

so, lets start somewhere. the chaos of last week just had me dragging on and on. well the past few weeks haven't been the world's greatest. about a month ago i had felt so close the Lord and it was incredible, recently i have struggled to have that same feeling. i have been just struggling. no explain as to why, i just have. the process of healing from a situation like mine definitely isn't easy. i thought that once i started feeling great i would never feel the way i did before, broken and hurt. well-that is not true. i'm starting to realize this healing business is a roller coaster. if i let my guard down even for a second, i find myself in a downward spiral. God is still present in my life, for sure, but ive felt quite distant. digging back into the word is going to be what helps me regain my footing. i'm starting to read first timothy and it has already been awesome. here is a passage:
first timothy 1: 15
"here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners-of whom i am the worst. but for that very reason i was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an exmaple for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. now to the king eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen."

so here i am, before you all. a sinner. but thank goodness Jesus came to the earth to save sinners. He did that so He could display His power, His patience. it is all about His glory. and through me, He can display Himself. WOW. i could rip myself apart about my sin and my constant battle with sin-but i am brought to this. i am redeemed. Jesus counted me worthy of saving, and now-worthy of using. using me to share His power. by confessing my sins-i can also confess His grace, power, and forgiveness.

chaos and confusion.

okay so it has been almost a week since i blogged, epic fail. the chaos of the past week is insane. busy every day. i went home this weekend :). wonderful stuff. i won't be going home again until like late march-AH! i cannot believe my nicaragua trip is approaching this fast. i barely have time to get myself together! i leave in less than two weeks. this week will go by too fast, i know it. today is my day to kind of get it all 'together'. studying, projects, papers, assignments, etc. awesome. i think i have a test on thursday-who knows?!? well this morning i woke up like usual and went to my first class. walked in and everyone was receiving tests. what?! i had no idea-no idea. and i didn't even have time to open up my notebook and get a quick glance. i hadn't seen/heard the material since last wednesday. i don't think i like bombed-but, i did bad. real bad. whatevers. it is over now. just need to take time to breathe and work harder. BUT, i must refocus on the Lord this week, too. i have gotten a little busier and things aren't where i would like them with Him. gotta keep you posted on that. going to spend some quality time in the word today. studying more on joshua. :). well, for now, i'm signing off. have to do a lot of HW today, finish a bunch of graphs for a project, leadership meeting, bible study, class, cleaning, laundry, and studying. we'll see :)

so thankful. so thankful.

quick update. so--recently i've been having some difficulties with small tasks such as reading/writing/spelling/remembering words/etc and yesterday had a pretty serious/lengthy spell of dizziness...i decided well-i just need to go and get this looked at. moreso for me to just stop worrying about it and really just pinpoint it is just the fact i'm a college kid, don't have the best diet, and i don't have the greatest sleep pattern. unfortunately-i had no idea that it would be a day of testing. i spent yesterday at the hospital while they performed a brain scan on me. i really was scared. i never voiced this fear because, well, i really didn't want anything to come out of it at all and saying something would have acknowledged the possibility of it. as i was getting an mri done on my brain i had a lot of stuff just running through my head. thinking of how i would react if something very serious were going on. how would i respond to the Lord? would i say "i trust You"? how scared would i be? i layed there and reallly just prayed and thought of these things. the peace of the Lord really fell upon me in those moments. i knew i had many back at home praying and some here at school and no doubt i was scared-but, i knew God was in control in that very moment. praise the Lord that the test showed no brain tumor/leison/anuerism or MS. the reality of what the Lord has saved me from hearing the good news was stinking awesome. unfortunately, they still have no idea what is going on. but, the major things have been ruled out so i'm just so thankful for that. i see a neurologist on friday at 9 a.m. and assume i'll be getting more tests performed then and hopefully narrowing down the cause of all this. i pray it is something simple that just got out of hand, or you know what? i pray it is completely gone, whatever it is. God is so capable of that. so yeah-just wanted to update my current situation on here.

i have so much school to do it is insane. need to try and figure out how in the world i'm going to do it though. hm. we'll see.

valentines weekend. hm. lovely?

okay-this weekend was actually stinking awesome! friday it snowed-a lot! we had a friend over, her name is angela and she is from malaysia! she has never seen snow before and friday i was able to blessed by being around her when it started snowing! it kind of made me feel a little bad because i was complaining earlier in the day about snow and to hear angela talk about how beautiful and wonderful it was was a little convicting! it was an amazing night! had a giant snowball fight with lots of friends, built many snowmen/penguins, and ate snow cream! yummy! i was worried about the weather for saturday because i had plans to go to savannah, ga and i didn't want to cancel. luckily, it was all melty in the morning. i drove to savannah and got to see a friend i haven't seen in a long time. we shopped for the entire afternoon then i ventured back to columbia. it was such a fun day, after such an amazing night before. it was nice to laugh almost the entire day, even if it involved me getting embarassed while being forced to try on camo. when i got back i went and shot some basketballs at the strom with a friend and got a good 2 hour practice! i'm getting pretty dang good..bahah. i wish!
that brings us up to today-valentines day. this morning i went to church and we talked about 2 timothy 4. how we need to be encouraging and reproving. the word of the Lord is sugar-coated way too much. we just talked about we need to truly live the gospel and preach it. pretty convicting. all too much i get nervous about rubbing people the wrong way or whatever- the gospel is truth. and that needs to be shown to people, in love of course. but, still. also-in the college group we talked about the second half of james 1. talking about how we need to be quick to hear and slow to speak. and the authenticity of faith. what it looks like to be not only hear-ers of the word, but do-ers. hm. pondering that. what does that look like in my own life? what do i need to lay down, in order to pick up the truth and live that out?

this afternoon i got a lot of errands done and just got to relax around. i'm now sitting in my room at my desk while one of my roomies is cooking dinner with her boy in our kitchen and the other is at her boyfriends apartment cooking dinner with him. i actually dont mind at all. it has given me a lot of time to think and such. God has blessed me so much lately. He is awesome. His love really is captivating. how awesome.

well-still going to make some valentines day crafts. awesome-still like a 5 year old. :) love it.
pink pancakes for dinner. they will include chocolate chips, too. awesome!

.....

so, i went shagging last night and it was absolutely wonderful! i had the most fabulous time...the best i've had in quite some time, actually. good to catch up with people i don't really see throughout the week. this morning i had class and got to hang out at bcm for a while after. i love time with friends :). okay-so last night i was reading the word while eating dinner and i decided to venture all the way back to the old testament. i normally am kind of scared about going to the old testament. sometimes i just don't understand the story or what in the world is going on. i decided to read about joshua. basically here is the news:

joshua took over after moses had died. joshua fulfilled moses' legacy and led the people into the promised land. joshua was completely obediant to God and heard the Lord's instruction before anything he did. i was wondering last night what that must have been like. joshua was so dependant on the Lord that he waited to hear from Lord before doing anything. it is like joshua was so in-tune with the Lord he got step-by-step instructions. i wonder what my life would look like if i were that in-tune to the Lord i heard his voice all the time...praying about that :). anyways they took down the walls of jericho and one specific intrstruction from the Lord was that nobody would take anything found in the city (i.e. gold/silver) for themselves but it would all been given to the treasurey of the Lord. well- a man named Achan was disobediant. due to achan's disobediance the israelites suffered consequences when they tried to fight against their enemies. joshua was broken before the Lord about Israel's loss...this is what the Lord said to him in regard to Achan's disobediance:
"I will not be with you anymore unless you destroy whatever is among you that is devoted to destruction." joshua 7: 12
WOW. applying that to my own life...how can i fully expect the Lord to be with me, fighting my battles, if i am devoted to things that will destroy me? wow. that needs to settle with me for a while longer to truly realize what is in my life that is destroying me and keeping the Lord from being fully in my life. so yeah-that is freaking awesome. God is so cool-that came from the old testament :) i'm looking forward to gaining more from reading the rest of joshua!

**breathing deep**

well-test one=piece of cake. test two=piece of poop. seriously, though. the anatomy test was a real disappointment. it is over-that is the only good thing about that test. i suppose i feel be better prepared for the second test! lets hope! i've been working like crazy this afternoon to catch up on all of the other schoolwork i neglected doing since i was studying so hard. ewe. well my bible study went so well on monday! we just talked about beauty and what it is. we talked about how we are the image bearers of God. we, as girls, have the important role of showing the world God's beauty. and no, i'm not talking about God's pearly whites. i'm talking about His heart. so..wonderful times. yesterday was crazy busy. it was one of the most WONDERFUL days. it is such a beautiful thing when you get to experience God's grace, love, and forgiveness. so wonderful! well i gtg more on this later!

Alicia

...

so. life is going to be crazy these next few days. and when i say crazy, i mean crazy. i have two tests this week, projects due, and other obligations....today i have class, leadership, study group, bible study, and lots of studying for a test tomorrow. eek. i thought i didn't push it all until the last minute, but i'm starting to see that i might have actually done just that.

s0-my next post will come wednesday afternoon. shortly after i come out of my first anatomy and physiology test. i cannot wait for that moment. just fourty-eight hours away! yay! this weekend was a fabulous weekend. seeing my family always makes me happy. we were playing ninja in the foyer area of our house as a family and it was truly magnificent. it just reminded me as to why my family is so wonderful. i also got to hear my dad sing a solo at church, a very enoyable thing i'm lucky i was home for :).

i didn't watch the superbowl. i know, am i american? and i'll tell you, i am. hah. i actually had a friend drop by on his way back home and we watched a movie and caught up. it was really nice. well-lots of stuff going on. trying to organize my month before i leave for nicaragua. still pray for me as i make financial decisions for the trip. i am super pumped to be used by the Lord in Nicaragua! okay-signing off for a few days. catch up soon.

but, i will leave this post today with a quote from john piper:

"self-forgetfullness in the presence of the Greatness of God brings us complete joy"
-God is not an ego-maniac. He desires for everything to bring Him glory (including our entire lives), in order that we may have our joy made complete. And God knows the only way that is possible is when we are totally glorifying Him. tough pill to swallow, get some water.

sweetness.

so-this morning i was hit with something huge. a huge blessing, again. i am so undeserving! so God has just revealed to me sweetness. the sweetness of fellowship with Him, my savior, in brokennesss. sweetness that can only come from truly realizing He alone is God and i am not. being broken before the cross, i get that. now. finally, after a long time. i've never felt a love so peace as i do when i neal before the throne of God and confess my need for a Healer. another sweetness, too. nope, it doesn't stop there! sweetness of fellowship with brothers and sisters who are also broken. being vulnerable together, as a unit. being broken over similar things and being broken over completely different things, doesn't matter. experiencing this incredible love together. i am realizing i should strive to be broken more often. it shouldn't just come when things in life seem to crumble and MY earthly plans are stripped away. it should come every morning when i wake up and realize, I need my Savior. i need Him. in every moment. the sweetness of worship is crazy, the sweetness of fellowshipping and living in His grace is undescribable, and the sweetness of unity with others in the need of a savior. phew. God is huge. the beauty of the Lord is that He tells us we're not filthy anymore, we're not captive anymore, we're not broken anymore, mercy is yours. we are spotless, we are holy, we are faultless, we are whole, we are righteous, we are blameless, we are pardoned, we are His. we're not guilty anymore. MAN. (that came from a song, but still, it's truth)...trying to live in that today. God's awesome.

...mhm bop.

woke up today at 715. that explains it all. haha. went to bed at like 1. what am i thinking when i decide to stay up longer/later? hm. 8 a.m. classes shouldn't really exist. it's true. what will my day consist of today? well- a nap for starters. after this, i'm going back to sleep for like an hour or so. i need some sort of rest. one of my classes for today was cancelled so i just have one left! yes! i decided i'm not going shagging tonight. i have two tests next week, i'll try to get caught up before the weekend. speaking of the weekend, i'm going home! i haven't been home in several weeks and i miss it! i'm going to be babysitting and trying to get some more money towards my trip....i'm kind of looking forward to resting up this weekend as well. um-so another ongoing event in my life right now. reading the book of daniel, as suggested by my friend Haley :). it is awesome. let me tell you about it. sooo, daniel is asked to enterpret king Nebukanezzer's (sp? i'll just refer to him as King N) dream. the king has a dream about this really tall tree and lots of wealth, etc. then basically, everything is stripped away. the tree is cut to a bare stump and cattle and animals are everywhere and there is little prospering anymore. the dew of heaven is everywhere, however. okay so-that was a rough enterpretation. now-daniel explains that this tree is King N. king N is very properous and has lots of wealth, however, king n is prideful and thinks he is responsible for his kingdom and all that is good within it. God was going to strip away all the King N had (the tree being cut, etc) and make him have a mind of an animal. he would wander and sit about for a period of time until king N finally realized all he had was fromt he Lord almighty. God is repsonsible for all things, they are His alone. so king N listens to this enterpretation and goes about his life. soon enough, everything falls apart and the dream comes to life just as daniel said it would. idk-this is very rough. it makes sense in my own mind.
basically, what i get out of this is that all i have is from the Lord. He is the giver and taker of all things. i am blessed to experience them for my ownself, but God is sovereign and just. He humbles us when we feel most prideful. just when i feel like i am onto something great, He does one of two things. He lets me continue in my arrogance and learn from the results of my sin OR He strips it all away..showing me that He is everything. bringing me back to the point of realizing my desperate need for a savior. make sense? hope so. okay-well off to my nap. just a brief insight to what the Lord is teaching me. awesome. He is good. fairwell.

He is jealous for me.

So, yesterday was quite a day. i felt completely overwhelmed almost the entire day. i tried to control my thoughts from dwelling on circumstances and situations i have no control over. the pain almost seems so deep sometimes. i am not depressed or trying to rant over and over about being hurt, but i feel defeated by my own mind sometimes. i try to focus on things above, but sometimes it is a losing battle. i'm trying to counter these thoughts and emotions by replacing them with prayers, songs, and scripture. it is nothing i can overcome in just one day-this HAS to become my new lifestyle. i'm happy i'm learning this now, but it sucks it is in the midst of many other things going on. so yeah-God is sovereign still. He is loving and comforting. He answers the calls of His children.

today will also be a busy and eventful day. studying, cleaning, laundry, errands, class, basketball! craziness! two tests next week. eek. anatomy and physiology coupled with speech pathology. intense stuff. last night was the Q&A time for the series how to have a marriage better than your parents. it was incredibly awesome. lots of wonderful questions were asked and i def. took away a good amount of knowledge. i knew some of it, but it is nice to be reminded and refreshed that marriage can be one of the biggest joys i'll ever have in my life. notice the, can be. i must passionatly pursue Christ and so must my future husband. praying for that right now. i know God will prepare me someone who loves Him more than anything. it may take forever and a year to find this person, but God is sovereign still.

about nicaragua. so, 8 days ago i announced i would be going to nicaragua and i needed 850 dollars for my trip. today i announce i only need 150! this is awesome. such a blessing. God has given me so much these past fews months. i feel so privileged to be able to work for His kingdom. yay! and the trip is almost a month away! yay! i cannot wait. been trying to talk to atleast some of the people i'll be going with. i know two. awesome. :) just feeling His blessings.

another new piece of juicy. i was chatting with a friend about growing closer to the Lord, she instructed me to read daniel and i started last night. you should check it out. perfect examples in that book: the Lord gives, and takes away. all is His. we are children of the most High and He is the giver. awesome stuff. humbling.

oh man.

so. after my last post i recieved some pretty upsetting news. ironically, after all that stuff i wrote hoping to encourage you all i was the one about to require it the most. i heard news that really just kind of shook me up for a while. devestated me. it was exactly what i needed to hear though. a door in my life has been closed. i feel as if i can finally move past all this hurting and disappointment. i know the Lord desires me to get closer to Him, that is why He allowed this to happen. all of this has really made me think of the things i want in life. specifically, who i want to be with for the rest of my life. what do i even think love is? simply, God is love. it is only by TRULY loving God we can have love for each other; love that is not shaken or destroyed by the ways of this world. i must seek the Lord, my God in expectancy that He will bless me with this kind of love to share with someone else. more importantly, i must fall in a deeper love with the authentic love Himself. God will guide me. the road ahead of me still holds pain and hurt, but i am learning to relay that straight from my heart and lay it in from of Him. i have really, since Converge, felt led to memorize scripture. last night i found myself dwelling on this devestating news and i realized i had little to no scripture memorized. as i was driving, you know what i did? said john 3:16 and blared my christian radio up and started singing. trying to get my mind on things above, not on earthly things. so yeah-my life is not put together at all. i pray for peace and justice. we will all be held accountable for our actions one day, i'm just remembering this in moments where bitterness towards people comes so easily.

you are Lord of all.
you are the ultimate supremacy
you are sovereign, just, and merciful
you are the giver of peace
you are the hope of the nations
in suffering, i cry out to you
in pain, you are the healer
you will deliver me,
rescuing me from the ways of this world
hide me in your heart
draw me near to you
let me confess my heart to you
expecting you to console and comfort.
you alone are great.
there is none like you.

He is at work.

okay-lots to share with this one...
so, when i left this i had $270 for nicaragua, in the morning i woke up to my mom sharing with me someone handed her $40. okay-up to $310. now, get ready for this. i found out i'll need the remaining $500 by february 15th. so..on wednesday, Tim (our bcm director) told me to stop by the bcm center whenever i could. i came in and to my utmost surprise he informed me a few students came to him and wanted to help me out. they wanted to remain unknown, but had given me $250 for my trip! so yeah, i was shocked and i still am!! insanity! God has just been so awesome to me!!! so i need $250 more, but i have complete faith that the rest of the money will be given! i am soo pumped!..i also got the opportunity to go to Converge 2010 this weekend. it is a statewide bcm event which was amazing. i got to meet up with friends from high school, as well as meet some new friends! i got to meet a lot of people from Anderson University..totally cool people! also, i was able to get closer to people in my own bcm. always great worshipping with fellow believers! God really showed up throughout the time there. His awesomeness was everywhere. He really just taught me to confess it all to Him. He already knows, but how can i expect Him to heal my heart unless i confess it and give it to Him, fully. it is something that is going to be very hard to do...i guess the only thing stopping me is the pain i'll feel while i re-hash emotions and get to the root of the hurt. i had a good step tonight. something came over me and i just lost it, completely broke down. it was good. i'm starting to realize, He is the only one that can provide peace. it is something i know in my head, but tonight i felt it in my heart. awesome stuff. the peace was worth the pain. peace will last forever, while pain is merely temporary. so yeah-these past few days have been awesome. God is great! all the time!

i'll leave you with some awesome quotes from converge 2010.

**we need to live lifes that say, "i follow a crucified saviour all the way to calvary"
**we should never revel in and enjoy the very things that Jesus came to destroy
**satans strategy: he creates an environment where he will solicit our thoughts to stir our affections and lead us to go in a direction we were never meant to be. leaving us people we were never created to be.
**what you think about determines what you care about; what you care about determines what you chase
**the best defense to sin is a great offense

Nicaragua-Round 3

so...these days have been so crazy lately. some incredible news, i'm going to NICARAGUA for spring break 2010! heard about it on monday night, decided tuesday, and now i'm going. yeah-that sums it up. i met a kid two summers ago named stephen in nicaragua. he was a summer missionary there and we've kind of kept in touch throughout the past two years. monday he asked me what my spring break was and if i had plans...finding out i had none, he preceeded to tell me that there is a position now open to go to nica for spring break with a team he is leading. three hundred dollars has been paid so that leaves 850 left to fund. i just knew that nicaragua was where i am supposed to be for spring break. yesterday was kind of stressful because i found out i needed to have 300 dollars in by monday. i don't have 300 dollars to just write a check. God is so awesome and by the end of last night i was up to 270 in donations. God is great! so, awesome. i'm pretty sure that is straight up affirmation that is where i am supposed to be. yay. well i have two tests in the next two days, but i couldn't go on without just writing this out. i know God will provide the rest of the money. He is so faithful, all the time.

long time. no post.

life has been going so fast! since wednesday i've been busy..very busy. had some awesome moments with some awesome friends. thursday was eventful. classes coupled with shagging at night. awesome fun. got to skype with rachel, who is in thailand right now :) yay. awesome to hear about her crazy fun life across the world! shagging was also fun. got to see some friends that i haven't seen like this entire semester. awesome to see what the Lord has been doing in their lives, so encouraging. friday was a good day as well! classes, basketball, and soccer! i played soccer with my friend josh and some youth from his home church. it was sooo much fun. great to be back on the field too, seeing that i miss being apart of a team. last night we had some people over to our apartment. one of them being a girl named angela! she is from malaysia (sp?). got to hear about life across the ocean, totally great. we watched some trutv (cops, etc)...then played skip-bo and spoons. oh-we love spoons at this apartment. today i woke up and just got back from playing volleyball and lifting weights with on of my roomies, aubrey. had a blast. now, we have goals to meet before dinner...we have lots of school, but also want to fit in some movies? we'll see about all this chaos!
so...lately, God has been continuing to be near to my heart. i have found such a blessing and excitement from telling people what He has done for me lately and the many ways that i have grown. many people check in on and me and see how i am really doing and it is the perfect opportunity to share that in the midst of heartbreak i feel closest to the Lord, ironic huh? not so much, at all. it is the moments when we are truly broken we experience Him all the more. makes me want to be broken a lot more often...was reminded yesterday what john piper told us at passion. when we feel most insiginifcant, we have the most joy. also that the Lord wants us to worship Him and give Him glory not for His selfishness, but out of His love for us. what i mean to say is...God knows we can only experience complete joy when we are completely focused on Him; therefore, He desires our worship and praise because that is when we are tuly complete. idk if that makes any sense or not. still grasping God's greatness. will be forever, actually. okay-now to school.

wednesday. whirlwind.

so, yesterday. long day to say the least. after BCM, which was aboslutely amazing, i went bowling. with many people i didn't know, and i had the most wonderful time. i got to get to know some pretty awesome, crazy people :). yay for new friends, really. i'm excited that the bible study i'm leading as a few members already! it will start next monday. it is on the book captivating. yippee. today is a very long day. very long. class from 9-10, then an organization fair (i'll be reppin BCM) from 10-1. oh yeah-class until 215 after that :). long day, but i'm blessed to be able to do all of this. no plans tonight, as of now. there was talk with my roomie aubrey about going up to the workout place and playing volleyball tonight or something of the sorts. so yeah-the Lord has been growing me lots lately. today i'm making it a special plan to really have some quality time with Him. the past few days have been rough, but He has been tugging at my heart each day for some real time with Him. today, that WILL happen! :) so yeah-i've attached a song which is awesome and i think you should listen to it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WifScmrU6CI :) k thanks.

gathering thoughts.

hm. well, this weekend flew by! disciple now was the most wonderful thing. it was awesome to lead some girls, hopefully closer to the Lord, and be ministered to myself. we talked a lot about idols and what they are in our own lives and what a changed life should look like. it was really a wonderful weekend. matt papa was our worship leader and speaker..he did an awesome job! well-i came back to school sunday night and just got settled in for the most part. yesterday was a very eventful day...i woke up, went on a very short jog, got ready, gave a friend a tour of USC, played ultimate frisbee in the afternoon, had a roomie dinner, watched tv, made milkshakes, and did some homework. phew, tiring just remembering it all. today i had class, ewe. my friend chris may come by USC and visit today which i would enjoy! later on i have some more classes and such then BCM. bcm is talking about 'how to have a marriage better than your parents' ... i'm super excited to listen in on that! well, i also got a letter from my compassion child last week and i wrote her back today..i love getting those letters. well-God has really shown Himself to me lately. i was telling a friend the other day i don't ever remember a time when i felt so close to the Lord like i do right now. i am really enjoying this a whole lot. i've been able to find so much joy in Him. it is magical thing...so yeah. right now i feel a burden to share His love in bigger and stronger ways. we'll see what happens. just got to stay close to His heart, mostly by means of His word. thanks for tracking along with this journey of mine. this week should be great. really, great. :)

the. uprising.

so..today started the uprising weekend. formerly known as diciple now! i had classes this morning and then traveled back home to be a leader for this weekend 'adventure' that i have been attending for atleast 5 years as a student and now a leader..making this my second time leading. i am with the 10th grade girls and we are stationed at my house..which is very nice :). we are being led by Matt Papa. he is an incredible worship leader and i'm happy to be apart of worship with him. i worked with him some this summer as i staffed with Student Life. he was our camp worship leader for several camps. tonight it was nice to see hearts open up to the Lord and witness teenagers getting glimpes of how awesome the Lord is. the Lord has been teaching me so much and i feel so blessed to have felt so close to him in the past few weeks. the situation which i have been hurting so much over has led to some incredible blessings. i'm starting to long for time with Him and time to just be in His presence. it is the most incredible feeling ever. i never want it to pass away.
anyways, tonight matt read out of exodus 20 and discussed how the Lord desires to be our one and only, he is jealous for us. he talked about how Jesus is the bride and we are the bridegroom. also, in the bible the metaphor of jesus being the bride is more common that jesus being father and we being children. weird, huh. Jesus is the lover of our souls and he is waiting for us. we are all too much like prostitutes to Him. giving ourselves over to thing after thing...as He patiently waits down the aisle for us. it seems so different when i look at it that way. as if i am 'giving myself away' to self-gratifying things. lots to think about. we came back to the house and discussed the meaning of 'the old has past and the new has come'. do we really live like that? or, do we say we are christians and live like the world? carrying on the same habits and routines of the world? the girls gave me examples and struggles of their own that they think need changing. all things ranging from music, movies, gossip, sarcasm, jokes, etc. this weekend will be awesome. i just know it.

God, You are so good. You and You alone.
Meet us here as we realize You and You alone are pure in heart.
You and You alone desire us for yourself.
You and You alone are jealous for our souls.
You and You alone are perfect.
We are nothing without You and You alone.
Let us live in Your truth.

Okay. so i don't have a lot of time tonight. slept through my first class. yup. went to the doctor, possibly have strep. i'll be fine. starbucks with a friend, josh. quesadilla for dinner. yum. basketball game now, womens. with aubrey (roomie) and ryan (her bf). jillians later tonight. what is jillians? shagging every thursday. later, laundry/packing. class tomorrow. disciple now (leading for the 10th grade girls, yes!). disciple now all weekend. probably no blog. coming back to cola on sunday. yay. maybe monday? who knows. gotta go. later.

day 3.

Well, today has been pretty productive compared to yesterday! I woke up this morning and got ready before my 9 a.m. nutrition class. while getting ready i listened to some songs i downloaded from Passion 2010. today, i feel blessed. i've felt the Lord's presence today like insanity. i'll be praying to feel that every day from here on out! so wonderful. well, i was able to completely unpack today and get rid of lots of trash in my room. it is crazy when i start going through your stuff all the memories you stumble upon. some bring back strong emotions, while others you find you are ready to part with. i was able to make it on time to my anatomy class today-front row! i'm actually so intrigued by the challenge of the course. finally. the structure of the human body itself can only be God. amazing. i printed out some photos at CVS today as well...creating something cool. also, got to speak with a friend i met while in nicaragua two summers ago. awesome time of sharing. also, talking to a dear friend of mine, nabo. lots to discuss as we live like 12 hours away from one another. she was a student life brown team 09 member just like me..i love catching up with my little 'brownies'. :) she is in the one in the photo ;). today, i'll also catch up with another friend, haley! i miss all my friends from home while i am away at school, but when i am home i miss all my school friends! well-i'll be headed to a basketball game tonight with my friend Josh! for now, i'll leave you with this to chew on...

"And everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure." 1 John 3:3

day 2

Well, today i have found myself being, yet again, so unproductive! i woke up early to go to my statistics class at 8 a.m....yuck. i came back and did basically nothing before heading to speech disorders class and an exercise science course. those were quite interesting and i got to see some old 'class' friends which was nice. i am now trying to unpack, still! christmas break was filled with lots of traveling and events and i miss it so much! break started out with some pretty rough news and was left with a broken heart. however, i'm blessed to serve the one who heals all things and desires to make new what is broken! i have been blessed with God's sovereignty and love during times of confusion. i don't know why the Lord has allowed some events in my life to occur, but there is a devine purpose. one that i may never know, but one that He will use. in light of those truths i've been able to find peace in a whirlwhin of emotions and strength to draw near to Him. so anyways, i was able to go to Passion 2010 and it was the most incredible thing ever! i didn't get any clarity on my current circumstance, but now i realize i don't need that! after, i flew straight to NYC! i stayed with my wonderful aunt and uncle and got to explore thc city. it was a trip i planned to take with someone else, but things didn't work out. i was concerned about going solo, but the Lord yet again used that to grow me! i had the greatest time! so yeah--sitting here in my apartment doesn't seem like the most exciting thing coming off of all my recent adventures. we'll see how this semester goes! i'm expecting to strengthen friendships and truly be more adventurous (something i generally lack)! BCM (baptist collegiate ministry) tonight! yay for some fellowship and worship! but first, a two hour anatomy lab..yay.

day 1

so...i tried to keep up a blog this summer, but it was so event-filled that i rarely ever got the opportunity to type up a whole lot. i have recently realized that i really would like to keep a blog to just jot down my life. for both myself and others, really. for myself to get out thoughts and be able to be honest and for others...that they might be able to benefit from my experiences and journey alongside of me.
now, a little about myself. i am a sophomore exercise science major and i'm really just seeking to enjoy my time at college and make the most out of every opportunity. i am really involved with BCM here on campus (baptist collegiate ministry) and i love being involved there. i have three roommates, however, one of them is studying abroad in Thailand this semester. one of the most important things about me, i believe, are the relationships i cherish. i love my family and i truly desire to be as open with them as possible. i tell my mom and dad most everything and don't like keeping things from them. also, i love my sweet little sisters as they really do make me so happy! my friends also mean a whole lot to me. i have a few very close friends and couldn't imagine journeying through life without them. but, the most important relationship i have is the one i share with my savior, Jesus Christ. i came to know Him at the age of 9 and He is just as real in my life now as He was on the day i received Him into my life.
now, you'll come to realize that my life hasn't been what the world would say is the easiest, but it is my life. i have overcome challenges through my relationship with my savior. even now, i hope to encourage people by what He has done in and through my life. i cannot explain events in my life, but i hope to reveal to you some steadfast truths of Jesus through them. through this blog i want to open to share what i'm going through (the good and the bad), what the Lord is teaching me, my struggles, and my joys. i hope that you, whoever you may be, will stick with me as i hope to be as open as possible with you. thanks for your time. only this introduction will be this long :)